Why Is Pretend Play Hard?
understanding how we feel and deciding what to do about it
Physical play isn’t the only kind of play.
Pretend play or imaginative play or “make-believe” play is a hidden gem of childhood development!
It often goes unnoticed in its significance. It seems like a simple activity, but the complexities involved contribute significantly to a child's cognitive, social, emotional, and language growth. (More on that soon!) According to one article, a number of theorists and researchers have identified pretend play as a vital component to the normal development of a child. (Source 1)
For some of us, pretend play is fun! It brings us joy and laughter to watch our child’s creativity unfold. We’re grateful to participate in play with them and we know we’re making meaningful connections.
And then for some of us, for some reason, we’re totally turned off by it. It feels frustrating, pointless, not fun, a waste of time, and the last thing you want to do.
Am I right?
Here’s the good news: Acknowledging your feelings and getting a better understanding of them can help you navigate the challenges and the good of pretend play.
The Challenges:
We leave little room for the make-believe nature of pretend play.
We live in a fast-paced world. Finding time or making the time for imaginative play can be a struggle for parents. Balancing work, managing household responsibilities, and following through with personal commitments often leaves little room for the make-believe nature of pretend play.
We get in the way of ourselves.
Whether it’s our personality or adult logic, both can get in the way. Allowing ourselves to be a kid again or embrace the whimsy of pretend play can be challenging.
We don’t know how to participate.
Some parents may not have experienced a rich background in pretend play during their own childhoods. This makes pretend play seem like unfamiliar territory. The lack of exposure has led to an uncertainty about how to participate effectively. Simply put, if this is you, you’re likely not confident in what to play or what to say. By the way, we’ve got a guide for that. 😉
THE GOOD:
We can prioritize quality over quantity.
While time constraints are a reality, we can focus on the quality of the time spent engaging in pretend play with our children. We can know that it makes a significant difference.
How to overcome: Set aside short, fully focused periods of time (just 10-15 minutes) for immersive play with your child. The goal is to connect with them.
We can allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
Allow yourself to let go of whatever is holding you back. Whether you’re hesitant or self-conscious, have the courage to be playful and vulnerable. This isn’t all or nothing. This is for fun. This is to connect with your child. This is going to help develop their language.
How to overcome: Remember there's no right or wrong way to participate—the key is to enjoy the process together.
We get to learn from our children.
Children are naturally adept at navigating the world of pretend play. Let them take the lead on this one. Observe their creativity and let their imagination guide the play.
How to overcome: Take a collaborative approach and turn the experience into a shared adventure. Listen to what your child says. Repeat what they say and then respond to what they say by adding on a new word (description or information).
The benefits
Lastly, we know you’re a proactive parent who’s willing to learn and grow. We want to remind you of the benefits of pretend play and we hope you’ll be encouraged — it’s worth it!
It enhances cognitive development.
Engaging in pretend play enhances cognitive skills like problem-solving, creativity, and abstract thinking. It provides an opportunity for children to explore different roles and scenarios. Jean Piaget, a well known developmental psychologist, proposed that pretend play or “symbolic” play, is a crucial stage in a child's cognitive development. It reflects the child's ability to represent objects and ideas mentally. (Source 3)
It helps develop social skills.
Through pretend play, children learn to cooperate, share, and negotiate with their peers. It helps develop empathy as they step into different roles and understand perspectives other than their own. These social skills are invaluable for successful interactions throughout life.
Lev Vygotsky, another developmental psychologist, he emphasized the social aspect of pretend play. He believed that through play, children not only develop individual cognitive skills but also acquire cultural knowledge and social understanding by interacting with others. (Source 4)
It promotes emotional intelligence.
Pretend play allows children to express and regulate their emotions in a controlled environment. They learn to understand and manage their feelings. This will benefit them in various aspects of life.
It encourages language development. (Our personal favorite!)
Immersing themselves in different roles and scenarios encourages language development. In fact, language drives it! Children expand their vocabulary, practice communication skills, and are able to learn the nuances of language in a natural, context-rich setting. Just the best! (Source 5)
In summary, pretend play is more than just a developmental tool—it's a magical realm where creativity flourishes and its benefits extend far beyond the boundaries of make-believe. We can embrace the hard. We can overcome our hesitations because we know that creating positive experiences benefits both ourselves and our children.
We’re on your team. We know you can do this. If you found this helpful, let us know in the comments or tell us where you need more support! — Brooke
And if you don’t have the Play Guide, we highly recommend it as a great tool to help you kickstart your play time. In the guide there’s 50+ play prompts, developmentally appropriate concepts, and functional vocabulary to build your child’s communication and language skills, as well as our top professional strategies to try.
