Cultivate The Language of Gratitude
How to Nurture Thankful Hearts and Teach Children the Language of Gratitude
With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to talk about gratitude—not just the polite “thank you” we often prompt our children to say, but the deeper sense of thankfulness that helps them grow into kind individuals.
Gratitude is more than manners. It’s a mindset and a way of connecting with others. So, how can we help our children move beyond routine phrases to truly understand and express gratitude?
In this post, we’ll explore:
What gratitude is and why is it important?
The 4 beats of gratitude
The gift behind the gift analogy
Practical ways to cultivate thankfulness in your little ones
Let’s dive in.
What is gratitude and why is it important?
Gratitude can be tricky to define, but its impact is profound.
According to Google:
gratitude. n. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness
According to Robert Emmons, a leading expert on the science of gratitude:
Gratitude involves two key elements:
Affirmation of Goodness: Acknowledging that there are good things in our lives—gifts, benefits, and joys.
Recognition of the Source: Understanding that these good things often come from others, whether people, communities, or even a higher power.
Emmons describes gratitude as a “relationship-strengthening emotion” because it connects us with those who have supported and affirmed us.
The 4 beats of gratitude
Andrea Hussong, a professor of neuroscience and psychology, describes gratitude as having four essential components:
Notice: Becoming aware of what you have and the good around you.
Think: Recognizing who helped make something possible and why they did so.
Feel: Connecting with the emotions of gratitude—the kindness, generosity, or love someone has shown you.
Do: Taking action to express your appreciation.
Here’s the best part: as parents, we can nurture all four beats of gratitude in our children!
The gift behind the gift
How do we help our children move beyond the surface to truly notice and appreciate the gifts in their lives? By teaching them to find the gift behind the gift.
Imagine your child receiving a butterfly sweater from their aunt. The sweater itself is lovely, but the true gift lies in the thoughtfulness behind it—their aunt knew they loved butterflies and chose it just for them.
By focusing on the intention behind a gift, we teach our children to value connection over material things.
PARENTS THAT PRACTICE GRATITUDE MODEL GRATITUDE
Gratitude starts with us. When we practice it openly, we teach our children how to recognize and express it too.
Here are four practical ways to model and cultivate thankfulness:
Model Gratitude
Let your child see you express gratitude in your daily life.
Action Step: “I got a card from Aunt Sarah today, and it made me feel so loved. I think I’ll write her a thank-you note!”
Show gratitude
Point out acts of kindness and take the opportunity to thank others in your community.
Action Step: “Let’s thank your coach for teaching you that new skill today. They were so patient and helpful!”
Talk about gratitude
Create moments to reflect on gratitude together. Ask your child what makes them feel happy or loved.
Action Step: “What’s something kind someone did for you today?” or “Thank you for helping me set the table—it made me feel so grateful to do it with you.”
Find gratitude in the every day
Pause to notice and share the small joys in your day. Your awareness will help your child build their own.
Action Step: “I’m grateful today is a new day!”
Gratitude doesn’t have to wait for big moments.
It All Starts at Home
Gratitude is a lifelong skill, but it begins in your home.
By modeling, talking about, and celebrating gratitude, you’re giving your child a gift that will strengthen their relationships and enrich their life.
From all of us at Elevate Toddler Play, Happy Thanksgiving!
SOURCES
This podcast talks about strategies that can help your child develop a deeper understanding of gratitude.
The Greater Good Science Center has a lot of information about gratitude and other topics.
To learn more about what is gratitude, why practice it, and how to cultivate it, read this magazine article.
Hussong, A.M., Langley, H.A., Coffman, J.L., Halberstadt, A.G., & Costanzo, P.R. (2018). Parent socialization of children’s gratitude. In J. Tudge and L. Freitas (Eds.), Developing Gratitude, (pp. 199-219). Cambridge University Press.
Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Thomas, T., Coffman, J. L., Halberstadt, A. G., Costanzo, P. R., Rothenberg, W. A. (2018). Measuring gratitude in children. Journal of Positive Psychology.
