When Did Play Become a Bad Word?
Getting the conversation started and re-evaluating our hearts as parents.
This is probably one of the hardest posts we’ve written. We know how free play, independent play, and the alike are trending right now. We’ve seen the toy subscriptions and printable memberships too. It’s all pretty widely accepted.
We make a lot of effort around here to encourage you as parents. We spend 99% of our time educating you on the research and equipping you with the tools and strategies to make the most of playtime. We help you increase your child’s language and communication skills. We talk about what we’re for rather than what we’re against.
Between the two of us, we’ve got over 2 decades of experience in serving parents and children as Speech-Language Pathologists. At the same time, we don’t pretend to have all the answers, but we’re happy to share what we’ve learned and what we’ve found to be helpful and successful over the years. In short, we like to think you can trust us.
So today. This post may feel a bit different and be a little out of character than usual. Today we want to start the conversation and address the “I don’t play with my kids” approach. We think it’s time to take action. It’s time for a family meeting and an attitude adjustment. We invite you to check our work and draw your own conclusions.
Have you seen the trending instagram reels of a mom or a teacher saying they don’t play with their kids?
When I first saw this, I knew it was likely just in an effort to start a buzz. “Click bait” to gain attention and obtain more views. I was curious though and like all of us parents, I went to search google.
Here’s what I found:
New York Times Article. “Don’t play with your kids. Seriously.”
Today Show interview. “I don’t like to play with my kids. It’s exhausting to me.”
Blog Post. “I don’t play with my kids. (And that’s Okay.)”
Chat forum. “Is it okay not to play with your kids?”
Tik Tok. 334.7k views. “I don’t play when it comes to my kid.”
Tik Tok 7.8M views. “I don’t want to play with my kids.”
There’s more. A lot more.
The general consensus of parents seems to be:
I don’t play.
I don’t want to play.
I don’t like to play.
Oof. Reading those lines and hearing how parents truly feel was heart breaking for me to read and learn. If that wasn’t sad enough, it didn’t stop there. The captions boasted of their video going viral, selfishness, ego, and confidence in their choice.
what’s happened to the hearts of parents?
I don’t know when or how play turned into a bad word, but I love this quote by author, Erin Loechner:
Want to hear how kids spell ‘love’?
P-L-A-Y
TO THE OPEN-MINDED:
For fun, watch this TED Talk: How Every Child Can Thrive By Five
Read this article: Child Development: The First Five Years
Visit Harvard: Play in Early Childhood
Allow us to introduce you to: The Hanen Centre
Refer to ASHA (American Speech-Language-Hearing Association): The Power of Play
Check out this blog post: Navigating the Play Spectrum
Simply put, the research and information is there:
For toddlers, play is learning and learning is play.
Relationships are the foundation for child development.
The most important relationship a child has is with their parents.
Play impacts all areas of growth including, but not limited to, social skills, communication development, cognition, problem solving and reasoning skills, and imaginative thinking.
Guided Play not only encompasses all the characteristics of playful learning, it also provides the balance of child to adult involvement. – Making it the optimal choice!
Of course there’s more.
→ We’re NOT saying you have to play all day or even for an hour straight.
If you’ve read our previous posts like this one and this one, you know we try our best to meet you where you are. Seasons change and circumstances change. Knowing this we offer ways to adapt and make engaging with your children doable (and enjoyable).
→ We’re NOT saying independent play or free play is wrong.
Both free play AND guided play are beneficial for a child’s growth and development. It’s not one or the other. There’s a spectrum of playful learning. Each hold their time and place.
It’s time for an attitude adjustment
Fulfilling my role as a mother and getting to be one of the most important people in my child’s life matters to me. I think it matters to you, too. So let’s change our perspective, shall we?
Here are 4 gentle ways to change the narrative and posture ourselves in a way that cares more about our children and the life we live with them. May it pale in comparison to viral views.
NO. 01
PEOPLE FIRST.
We value people and relationships more than things, iPads, toys, treats, and commodities.
As a parent, it’s my job to teach my child about healthy relationships, how to read a room, and identify roles. Leader. Friend. Stranger. Teammate. Helper. “Danger”. Our actions define what it means to be Father and Mother. How to be gentle and kind to a sister. Make Friends. Love your Family.
We try our best to consider the interests of others as more important than ourselves. This isn’t about being passive. It’s about increasing their awareness to the situations and persons around them. The world orbits around a two-year-old. I want to give my children a different perspective and help her to know we think about others.
In case you need a kind reminder:
We get to speak life. Offer hope. Be a safe place. Raise our children in a home centered around goodness and love. We have the honor of introducing them to the legacies of those before us. We get to guide them in how to walk this life on earth — and we want them to help them walk this life well. What a privilege it is to love, serve, play, and care for our children.
We get to show our children how to love others and not be so focused on themselves. What better way to do that than by having them see what you’re doing.
NO. 02
MODEL First. INCLUDE Second.
Each week, I intentionally pick a few days to sit at our dining table with a book, my planner, and notebooks. I tell her I’m reading. I’m planning for the week. I’m making a grocery list. I’m learning about how to keep my hydrangeas from dying. This is interesting. This is exciting. My goal: include her in what I’m doing.
One morning, she came downstairs. She said I love you and followed those sweet words with a kiss on my cheek. She then proceeded to ask, Are you reading?
I am, would you like to join me?
I want to read and write in my notebook too! — She quickly ran to our craft station and proceeded to pull out her notebook, stickers, and markers. She sat down next to me and scribbled pictures in her notebook.
The point is this: They practice what we practice.
No. 03
IT’s A GET TO. NOT A HAVE TO.
I admit, in the day to day, I sometimes forget the big picture of it all.
We take care of our things and each other. It’s a phrase I repeat often in our home. We talk about how we have each other and how much we’ve been given. We have a home and food and jobs. With those freedoms come responsibilities. We have daily chores to keep our home tidy. We play nicely with toys and other people. We speak kindly and truthfully. We water the plants and tend to the laundry.
Here’s what I’m getting at: In every situation we try to express care and intention toward maintaining, preserving, and growing all that we have. We get to provide a safe place, care, comfort, love for our child.
MY hope is that we can see play as a “get to”, not a “have to”.
No. 04
MAKE IT FUN.
We all want to find joy in playing with our children, yes? Kids are attracted to fun, yes?! So why not make it fun for everyone! Let’s do our best to create a love for learning and a life of meaningful moments. What would it look like to make play a joyful habit instead of a dreaded chore? Hint: It’s going to take what it takes in order for us to enjoy our children instead of seeing them as an inconvenience. It’s worth the effort.
What do you like to do with your toddler? Games, cooking, painting, etc.
What’s the best time of day for you? Is it first thing in the morning? After work? While the youngest is napping?
Where’s a fun place to play? With low interruptions/distractions? Maybe it’s outside, at bath time, or on the floor of your living room.
Action steps:
Consider your emotions. Our feelings are purposeful and can teach us about ourselves and the circumstances we’re facing. What’s the emotion? What is a truth you can know that will reorient your heart to move towards what matters to you? To your child?
Have a heart of humility and gratitude. An author once encouraged me to set out to find what was good in my day, knowing that my efforts aren’t be wasted.
“Tomorrow is a new day.” I tell my girls this every night as kiss them goodnight. In our home, we love a new day and we’re grateful for it. It’s another chance to try again, get it right, have a good day, and smile.
Develop your own thinking skills instead of taking someone else’s word for it. We will always challenge you to consider the research and make the best decision for your child’s needs.
Your kids aren’t the reason you don’t take care of yourself. What’s your next step?
You set the tone for your home. Know your values and what matters to your family. Write it down.
Allow your kids to see you working and invite them into that work.
Find a friend who is uplifting and can give you a positive perspective. You know the ones that make you sink. Find the ones who lift you up.
Catch the vision. What might it look like for our children to be grown, reminding us of the cherished moments of play and connection we shared? If we want to be part of their story, what we do now matters.
L-O-V-E and P-L-A-Y
RELATED POSTS:
The Best Way to Support Early Learning: Guided Play
What Finally Convinced Me: My Role Matters
Looking for more support? Just for you. Just for fun! Strengthen the parent-child bond and practice play with these simple, but perspective-changing resources.
One family at a time. One play at a time.