The Language of Gratitude
Nurturing thankful hearts in your little ones
With Thanksgiving just days away, today we’re talking about gratitude. It’s easy to get caught up in telling our child(ren) to say “thank you” or focus on teaching them manners. So how do we move beyond this to help our children cultivate thankful hearts and the ability to communicate gratitude?
Keep reading to learn:
What is gratitude and why is it important?
The 4 beats of gratitude
The gift behind the gift analogy
4 Practical ways to cultivate thankfulness in your little ones
What is gratitude and why is it important?
Many of us have an understanding of what gratitude is, but it can be challenging to define.
According to Google:
gratitude. n. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness
According to Robert Emmons:
Robert Emmons is considered one of the leading scientific experts on the science of gratitude. A lot of his research focuses on the psychology of gratitude and joy as they relate to human flourishing. He suggests there are 2 key components:
Affirmation of Goodness: “We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received.”
“We recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves. We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.”
“I see it as a relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.”
The 4 beats of gratitude
According to Andrea Hussong, a professor of neuroscience and psychology, gratitude appears to have 4 beats:
NOTICE: An awareness to know what you have in your life.
THINK: The acknowledgement of who played a role in making this possible and why they did so.
FEEL: Recognizing the positive emotions that come with receiving and connecting the person to the real gift — the kindness, generosity or love that someone else has shown you.
DO: Do something to express your appreciation.
Here’s the good news. We as parents can intervene on all of them.
THE GIFT BEHIND THE GIFT
“What do I do to help my kid be more aware and notice things? How do I help them be in touch with their thoughts and feelings about what they have?
…Help kids find, what we call, the gift behind the gift.
I know that my aunt gave me that sweater, and it's got butterflies on it, and she knows I like butterflies. So the gift wasn't just the sweater. It was that she was thinking about me, and that this was for me.
And the more you're sort of in touch with that intention that someone else has for giving you, the more it feels good and personal. And it's not about the sweater anymore. It's about your connection.”
Andrea Hussong said this.
PARENTS THAT PRACTICE GRATITUDE MODEL GRATITUDE
ACTION STEPS:
MODEL GRATITUDE. Say what you’re grateful for out loud and help your child connect the gift to the giver.
“Oh, I got a card in the mail today from Aunt Sarah and it was so nice of her! She sent it because she was thinking of us. It makes me feel good. I think I’m going to write her a note back.”
SHOW GRATITUDE. Create moments of opportunity for your child(ren) to see gratitude in action. Whether you’re at sports practice, the grocery store, or out in the community, take the time to show them gratitude can and does exist in our world.
“Let’s tell our coach thank you for a good practice today! They were so kind to help you learn a new skill.”
TALK ABOUT GRATITUDE. Talk to your child about times they’ve been grateful. What makes them happy? What did someone do that made them feel good? Who makes them feel loved and how? What’s their favorite toy, food, animal, or activity?
”Thank you for helping me make dinner. We did it together and that made me happy. What made you happy today?”
Simply put, find opportunities throughout your day to see gratitude. And when you find it and feel it, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell your child about it.
Like we always say, it starts with us and it starts in our home! — Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
SOURCES
This podcast talks about strategies that can help your child develop a deeper understanding of gratitude.
The Greater Good Science Center has a lot of information about gratitude and other topics.
To learn more about what is gratitude, why practice it, and how to cultivate it, read this magazine article.
Hussong, A.M., Langley, H.A., Coffman, J.L., Halberstadt, A.G., & Costanzo, P.R. (2018). Parent socialization of children’s gratitude. In J. Tudge and L. Freitas (Eds.), Developing Gratitude, (pp. 199-219). Cambridge University Press.
Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Thomas, T., Coffman, J. L., Halberstadt, A. G., Costanzo, P. R., Rothenberg, W. A. (2018). Measuring gratitude in children. Journal of Positive Psychology.